4th of July weekend with Srila Prabhupada

fireworks

I had a very ignorant and most stupid Wednesday July 2nd which seemed to hover over me for the rest of this holiday weekend. I do not wish to speak of my actions on Wednesday, only to try and promise again to myself that I will discontinue this horrible behavior that seems to wash over me uncontrollably.

The thing about Forgiveness is that you have to actually stop doing the very things that you need forgiveness from before you can even begin to think about recovering and eventually by Krsna’s grace maybe even forgiving yourself.

Thursday, July 3rd was must unproductive and uneventful. The entire day was a waste, trying to recover from Wednesday night. I didn’t go to work.

Friday, July 4th was the holiday. I had wanted to spend time with the devotees, some of which were having a get together barbeque with kirtan but I felt too guilty, self loathing, and too foggy from my actions and behavior still from Wednesday. My mother called and invited herself and he friend over (2nd time so far this summer) to light off fireworks together. Previously in the week, I had phoned my Aunty Louis and invited her over to watch the works. She is now living in deceased Grandma Brown’s home alone. She has spent the passed I can’t remember 4th of July’s with GB and I felt horrible thinking of her all by herself just after GB’s passing. So this is how the evening matured, with Lois, my mother, Louise, and Jared all on their way to gather at our residence.

Everyone showed up. Mom and Louise both with some form of alcohol. Louise, whom is deathly obese with her cigarettes. And then Dan, my partner whom is always here with alcohol and cigarettes. The very things that are killing my spirit and soul I just can’t seem to get away from. All the intoxication, all the ignorance, and I still fall into the trap myself so what a hypocrite am I?

Everyone had a good time. The kids, Jada and Jared screamed running around like mad children, the adults smiling and talking. All in all it was okay. Nothing spiritual though, which is the type of association I am really craving.

I was sad that Grandma Brown is gone and can no longer enjoy another day here, but I know that this is only a material place and that everything in the material universe has a beginning and an end. In the material world, there is no permanency. Everything you can think of such as life in the form of humans, animals, insects, plants… or even thoughts, relationships, businesses, places, any thing you can think of eventually no matter what has a beginning and an end. The only thing that is eternal here is spirit soul, and this we all have but we don’t understand the whole big picture as a universal society on earth. We don’t understand spiritual life vs.. material life. Some people understand this, but they are the lucky few. We need to serve Krsna and even this we cannot understand. This is why we must serve a spiritual teacher so that we can be taught through our own perseverance and strength and through guru’s will and mercy to have a little piece of Krsna’s spiritual knowledge.

Me, I am still much too ignorant and filthy muck is covering my soul to ever even sit before a spiritual teacher. I pray to the His Lotus Feet that I can someday chant away the filth from my heart and soul and be able to approach a bonafide spiritual master that can help save me from this ocean of ignorance.

The whole weekend was not a complete wash though. I have been reading through Srila Prabhupada’s Lilamrta and I can honestly say that this book is saving my life and giving me so much inspiration to continue forward and not give up on things. I cannot put this book down and have spent days reading doing very little else besides some sleeping and eating and chanting. Here, Srila Prabhpada came to the West, to America and so patiently saved these western kids from wandering around lost on LSD and other hard drugs. He couldn’t save them all of course but he truely and genuinly cared for and loved the ones that tried their hardest to become good devotees and just try in all honesty to love Krsna on the path of bhakti yoga. This book is an amazing account of how one man, single handedly brought Krishna Consciousness to the west. It is purely amazing and almost inhuman how one little old man could produce so much in such a short time. I find myself, laughing and crying through the story. Srila Prabhpada was so simple and humble. I find myself crying when the devotees have to see him off to leave for his preaching duties because they feel such seperation from him. Please read this book if you are at all interested in Krishna Consciousness. Another thing that struck me as very important for myself was that Srila Prabhupada started these young western kids off very slow into KC. He didn’t expect them right off the bat to know and do everything. It took time and training and Srila Prabhupada was so smart about how much he could expect them to take in – only so much at a time and at what times it was appropriate to add in more.

Srila Prabhupada

I wish that I had been alive to meet Srila Prahbupada in person but I am so lucky to be alive in an age where I can easily access his teachings through his books. We are all so lucky and we should use every moment possible to try and be good devotees and give up this material position we are in. It is a very dificult situation for us to be in, but to Srila Prabhupada it was very simple. Simply chant Hare Krishna and purify the heart, that is the best thing to do in this age of quarel, kali yuga. Other things may/will come, but most importantly just chant. This will slowly purify the heart and other things will come. No need to rush, just chant, that is the first step.

I look around sometimes and think that chanting japa is the last thing some people are willing to do these days. It takes time and we become so distracted with the very things we need to be striving to stay away from, maya. I know that when I first started re attending temple, I went straight into trying to offer service to people, which is great, but we need to chant! It is not difficult. I think that perhaps we should put more emphasis on this aspect of our culture because until reading this book, I hadn’t been able to understand it’s importance in the same way that Srila Prabhpada could describe it.

Alas one more great event of the weekend. The Sunday progam at the temple which I will attend shortly this evening.

All Glories to Srila Prabhupada!!!!!! I am but a lowly, rotten wishing to be servant of the devotees of Srila Prabhupada. Please accept my humble obeisances.

Hare Krishna