16 Rounds

Chant the Holy Name!

Today will be my first day having ever chanted 16 rounds of japa. I want to make a commitment to Lord Sri Krishna that I will chant 16 rounds of japa per day, and with his love and strength, I will keep this vow and not break it.

All glories to the devotees whom inspire me so much, probably without even knowing it, to take on with enthusiasm this vow. I look up to the members of our society and I am so thankful to be in their shelter.

I don’t know why exactly that taking on this vow is all of a sudden important to me, but I know through Srila Prabhupada’s teachings that it is definitely good for my soul and will help to purify me. I think that this change of events in my life has something to do with my Grandmothers leaving her body and some lessons I have been learning from it. I’m still trying to process the loss. I find solace in my chanting japa.

Next on my list is to exclude entirely the use of onion, garlic, and egg products from my diet. I go back and forth with this one. I find it easy to replace hing for garlic and onion when cooking foodstuffs from home. This is easy. It’s the pre processed store bought items and going out to eat for lunch and some dinners that is the real culprit. These activities need to stop. I just am not organized enough at the moment to make a full commitment to stopping these activities. I work full time, go to school part time, am practically a single mother to my 10 year old daughter and keeping all of these things together sometime isn’t always very easy for me. Sometimes I feel that everything my life will bust at the seams because it’s all so difficult and complicated. This fast paced life of business, eating, sleeping, etc has got my mind in a fuzzy blur and things go by so quickly that it actually scares me sometimes. I am afraid I will be 70 years old and still in the same position, having never taken action on the goals and dreams of my life.

I really did do things so backwards and really wrong in this life so far, and sometimes I go into a daze, thinking in my mind, speculating about my past and in utter disbelieve on the things I have done and the roads I have taken. I honestly don’t feel fit to be a devotee or person that God could love sometimes. Other times I am off on an adventure trying to forget the past, but it never really goes away. I wonder if God can forgive me? I’m not sure I can forgive myself. If I can’t forgive myself, then how will God?

I hope that by keeping this vow of chanting 16 rounds per day that my soul can become a little purified and that I can find some peace and forgiveness in Krsna’s name. I understand that only by his mercy can this really happen and I am hoping against hope that he will accept my chanting His name’s. I give everything up to Krsna. My life is guided by Him. I am at His mercy, in His love. I want back my relationship with Him that was lost unknown times and ages ago. Please accept me Krsna and my vow of chanting your name. PLEASE, I beg of you. Let me serve you through the chanting of your name. Please lovingly guide me and show me the right path.

I am your must lowest servant.