Grandma Brown

Grandma Brown is dying and I love her very much. I can’t believe that she will no longer be here very soon. I am at a great loss without her.

Today I went to visit her at her bedside. She is unconscious and gurgeling on her phlegm which sounds unbelievable horrible as if she is drowning in her own fluids. I think that she is peaceful and hopefully not aware of the uncomfortable bodily symptoms.

I am so very sad and at the same time so angry with my Father and Brother for their behaviour during this time. I really feel like I don’t know my Father anymore. He isn’t the same man he once was. I don’t like his decisions and the paths he chooses to take. I just don’t know him any more. The Father I knew would never behave in this way. The father I once knew would be at his dying Mother’s bedside as she left her body.

Uncle Rob has shown tremendous strength throughout all of this. He has been there from day 1 since Grandma found out that she had the cancer, taking her to appointments, taking her out to experience life and to try and keep her mind off of her own impending death. He has personally seen to having the best care for her and made it possible for her to remain in her own home instead of some nasty hospice center to die in. I continue to be amazed with his compassion and ability to think so clearly and walk the good path. I’ve come to realize that I didn’t really know my Uncle Rob either. He is a much greater and kinder man that I had thought.

Grandma, I love you so very much and wish you well on your soul’s next great adventure. If I should never see you again, I would like you to know that you mean the world to me. My life wouldn’t be what it was today… I wouldn’t be who I am today, without your guidance and all of your help along the way. I wish for you the best in the world. You are a beautiful soul and I will never forget you in this life. I love you with all of my heart and it’s so very hard to let you go. Goodbye Grandma.